In Pictures - Zimbabwe Ministers to undergo Circumcision

Research indicates male circumcisions can help prevent infections of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

According to Thokozani Khupe, quoted in the Zimbabwe state-run Sunday Mail newspaper, all men in the 150-member parliament and all male councilors in urban and rural councils should also undergo the minor operation.

‘All the ministers should go for the exercise if our aims of reducing the spread of HIV and AIDS are to be translated into reality. As leaders in government, we should lead by example,’ she said.

Zimbabwe is one of 13 countries in East and Southern Africa participating in a 2.5 billion dollar programme to circumcise 38 million men – 80 percent of the male population under 49 years old – over the next 15 years.

Najivunia kuwa MKenya!!

This is true local content

"A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
Then he comes to the Kenyan hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, and then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Kenyan devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
A concerned fellow calls him aside and said, "Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair doesn't work. The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on……And the Kenyan devil used to be a civil servant, So he comes in,signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"
............ ..... IT PAYS TO BE A KENYAN HUH? "

Clothes exclusively made by women.

Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to the systems analyst.
(Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1..0 and found that the new program began
unexpected Child Processing
and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In
addition Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during
systems
initialization and then it monitors all other system
activities.

Applications such as 'Boys' Night out 2.5' and
'Golf 5.3'
no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate
selected 'Saturday Football 6.3' always fails and
'Saturday Shopping
7.1' runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background whilst attempting to run any
of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to 'Girlfriend 7.0',
but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

.... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the
functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade
from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its
Creator to run
everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and
it is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
System once it is
installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but have ended up
with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child
Support and
Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it
Installed and deal with the
difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or
problems occur, whatever you
think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid
attempting to use the
*Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE
ME.EXE a number of
times, and eventually hope that the operating system will
return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance program, can be
very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as
'Flowers 2.0' and 'Chocolates 5.0' or
'HUGS\ KISSES
600.0' or 'TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING
1000.0' or even Eating Out
Without the Kids 7.2.1' (if Child processing has
already
started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install 'Secretary
2.1” (Short Skirt
Version)
or 'One Nightstand 3..2' (Any Mood Version), as this
is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost
certainly CRASH.

Kamba Official Alphabet

A (hay) for Hunderwear

B (Mbi) for Mbiskuint (Biscuit)

C (si) for Sindwe

D (ndi) for Ndinjito (digital)

E for hindiot (idiot)

F for Finjot (Peugeot)

G (njii) for Njilaf

H (ich) Eater(heater)

I for Ayena (hyena)

J (njei) for Njuis

K for kambej (cabbage)

M for Miok (milk)

N for nyus (news)

O For Ombit

P for Fagget (packet)

Q for quessen (question)

R for lap music

S for siupid( Stupid)

U for Hiunifasiti (University)

V for fillenj ((village)

W for wio (Will)

X for Xigiste (Sixty)

Y for Yiond (yield)

Z for zembla

Maseno gay men WTF!

 

 

Learn some Luo-pean Terms...Omera means...

Its fun to learn some terms and phrases from  our kenyans brothers and sisters from other mothers , next time we will feature another group, we are allllll kenyans all the time.

Greetings

How are you? (informal) Amosi?

    Very well. Ber ahinya.

    This is literally, "I greet you," a-mos-i.

How is your morning? Ichiyo nade?

    My morning is going well. Achiyo ma ber.

This is literally, How did you wake?. The verb to wake is chiewo, according to ABO.

Compare to Acholi Lwo in northern Uganda: Ichiyo ni nin? Achiyo ma ber.

How is your afternoon? Irio nade? (note: this greeting is less commonly used than either the morning or evening forms.)

    My afternoon is going well. Ario ma ber.

How is your evening? Idhi nade?

    My evening is going well. Adhi ma ber.

This is literally, How are you going?. The verb to go or to be going is dhi, according to ABO.

How is the morning? Oyaore?

    The morning is going well. Oyaore ahinya.

How is the day? Osaore? (used around midday)

    The day is going well. Osaore ahinya.

How is the evening? Owimore?

    The evening is going well. Owimore ahinya.

General:

Thank you (very much), Erokamano (ahinya)

    Note that thanks are quite different in Uganda's Acholi Lwo: "Apwoyo (ma tek)."

I'll be back. Abiroduogo

Slowly, slowly. Mos, mos. This is equivalent to pole, pole in Kiswahili.

We'll see each other [later]. Wabironenore.

Let's see each other tomorrow. Wanere kiny.

I'm (very) sorry. Mos (ahinya). Equivalent to pole (sana) in Kiswahili.

Sleep well. Nindi ma ber.

I want... Adwaro...

You want... Odwaro...

I know... Ang'eyo...

 I don't know... Ok ang'eyo...

I like... Ahero...

Goodbye. Oriti.

Numbers:

One, achiel

Two, ariyo

Three, adek

Four, ang'wen

Five, abich

Six, auchiel

Seven, abiriyo

Eight, aboro

Nine, ochiko

Ten, apar

Eleven, apar gachiel

Twelve, apar gariyo

...

Nineteen, apar ga ochiko

Twenty, piero ariyo

Twenty one, piero ariyo gachiel

Thirty, piero adek

...

One Hundred, piero apar achiel or mia achiel. The first option is according to ABO. However, I have never heard this; all Kenyan Luo speakers I have met use mia or mia achiel, importing the word from Kiswahili.

Two Hundred, piero apar ariyo or mia ariyo. (Again, I believe the latter is much more frequently used.)

From the Wikipedia:

I want water, adwaro pii

I am thirsty, riyo nega (ABO translates thirst as riyo, and thirsty as bedo gi riyo.)

Thank you, ero kamano

Child, nyathi

Student, nyathi skul

Sit, bed

Stand,Stop, chung

Hunger, kech

I am starved, kech nega

Father, baba (ABO says, wuoro. Baba is Kiswahili.)

Mother, mama (ABO says, dhako or miyo as well. Mama is Kiswahili.)

God, nyasaye

To help, kony (The verb in Acholi is exactly the same. The Lord's Resistance Army--a band of rebels that has terrorized villages in northeast Uganda, kidnapped thousands of children, forced them to be child soldiers, and carried out a variety of other atrocities against civilians--is led by a man named Joseph Kony.)

Man, dichuo

Woman, dhako

Boy, wuowi

Girl, nyako

Book, buk (or kitabu, the Kiswahili word.)

Youth, rawera

Pen, kalam

Short, curuari

Trousers, curuach long

Table, mesa

Plate, san

lock, rarind

Leader, jatelo,ruoth

Bring, kel

Go, dhi

Go back, dog

Come back, dwog

Run, ring

Walk, wuoth

Jump, dum

Rain, koth

Sun, chieng

Moon, duwe

Fish, rech

I want to eat, adwaro chiemo

Grandpa, kwaru,kwara (According to ABO, kwaro.)

Grandma, dani,dana (According to ABO, dayo.)

White man, ja rachar

Black man, ja rateng

Some verbs:

To teach, pwonjo (I teach, apwonjo)

To learn, pwonjore (You learn, ipwonjo) (Note that this is the verb for teach, but with the reflexive suffix added. Kiswahili also uses this structure: To teach is kufunza, while to learn is to teach oneself, kujifunza.)

To run, ringo

To eat, chiemo (or chamo, according to ABO)

To drink, madho or modho

To sleep, nindo

To want, dwaro

To know, ng'eyo

To like, hero

To see, neno

To rise, malo

To support, teno

To return, duoko (or duogo; ABO only lists the former.)

To scare, buogo (or bwogo; ABO only lists the former.)

Other vocabulary:

Luo man, ja Luo

Teacher, ja pwonj

Hill, got

River, aora

Mountain, got maduong'

Chicken, gwenye (According to ABO, gwen, which is listed as meaning poultry.)

Cat, nyambura or paka according to ABO. (Note that paka is also the Kiswahili word, and Nyambura is also a woman's name.)

Dog, guok (pl. guogi)

Firefly, otit mach

Cow, dok or dhiang'

Insect, kudni

Bug, chwarni, kudni, jams. (ABO doesn't explain distinctions.)

Cloth, nanga

Ball, mpira (Note this is the same as in Kiswahili.)

Food, chiemo

Drink (n), math

Banana, rabolo

Maize (or ugali, the food made from maize meal), kwon

Milk, chak

Easy, ma yot

Difficult, ma tek

Small, matin

Large, maduong'

Cold, ma ng'ich

Today, kawuono

Tonight, otieno ma kawuono

Tomorrow, kiny

Day, odiechieng'

Morning, okinyi mathi

Night, gotieno

Ice, pee

Water, pi (Note that ABO writes pi, while Wikipedia writes pii.)

No water, onge pi

Fire, mach

Near, machiegni

Word, wach

Power, teko

Firefly, rise! Otit mach malo, seen written on a truck (lorry) in western Kenya.

Eye, wang' (pl. wange)

Head, wich (Note Kiswahili: kichwa)

Nose, um

Mouth, dhok

Ear, it

Yes, ee or duoko (Note that ee is also used in Luhya.)

No, dawe (Note that dawe or tawe is also used in some Luhya dialects.)

Good, maber

Bad, marach

Sin, ketho

Life, ngima

Death, tho

Classic 105 Leaked text

OMG this is what have been people tel Maina Kageni and King'ang'i .

Topic today was partying without
panties.
Why do ladies go nuts whenever they see
celebs?
254737933906
Classic fm. Maina its not our fault u guys drive us
craizie na if u mix wid manyege wat cant we do?
Luv u guys
254721969828
Fally Ipupa ni msupuu. I didn't remove my pant
but had an orgasm by imagining him in me.............
I didn't misbehave that much.
254721861010
Mornng maina & mwalimu, i was @ mike murimi
mugithi wth bibi wa bro wangu. nilimwona akijitia
kidole halafu akalamba na akaonyesha murimi! All
the ladies were doing it. Karibu nikufe na heart
atak.
254723055493
Maina! Wanawake wana wazimu, mwingine
alirushia husband yangu panti yake kwa uso
tukiwa lunch wimpy! Na huzzo akaiweka kwa
mfuko. Nilifeel mbaya.
254722777034
Maina, I hiked a lady neighbor-senior admin UNEP.
Frm the blues she told me "am in red thongs",
unziped n asked me if i could run my fingers
A few from the archives......
254720428104
Hi maina.i couldnt contribute on y'days topic coz i
was wth my hubby who soils & urinates on hmself
mpaka ndani ya viatu akilewa.pls ask such men wat
goes on in thea minds b4 & afta such deeds.wats
thea xcuse?do they gve a damn abt th family
feelings?pls i need 2kno.Dont call me now.he is
asleep. Ameingia kwa keja 5am. LENA
254714924039
maina, mine is terrible-he has nothin, haja soma-
yani my peroz and family dont penda him-I wish I
"road tested" him first coz after kumuoa, I found
out ako na kitu kama ya mtoi. am sexually starved-
pals tell me to get shag buddy, dildo, av thought of
goin gay yani the options are still comin-i am
absolutely single and willing to mingle though
married-love you guys
254722170198
Hi, maina cal me if u find time. I walked into my
house only to find my husband having sex with his
younger sister. Akaniuliza 'havent you heard of
privacey'. I'm confused. Gday
254725616895
Maina,my boyfrnd who is maried wants 2 funguwa
my boot na hajawahi funguwa ya bibi yake.pls help
mi cz istl lov him.mary 4rm kisii.
254726656190
Mina its just naturall a woman can make love with
more than 3 men in one day so long as u know
how to take a shower well no man will ever know.
Me I must get it from our tea boy at work juu ni
msupuu, a mechanic who operates in the plot next
to jobo and a neighbors son when he's on
holiday. Na bado mzee wangu kant notice.
254725555409
Hi maina, am screwed daily b4 i get home, i get 2
the house take a bath and if my man wants i'll give
it 2 him ave aborted 2wice nd he's nvr known.
From Milli
254718782326
Classic H! MaUna n mwalim am munaa frm mbs n
am in luv with my father in law n am 26 yrs his
57yrs n i luv him more than my hasband. We've
been sleeping with him tangu my first yr in
marriage. Ako na kitu kubwa!
254712405656
Classic 105, Hi maina, mine was worse coz my
mum's boyfriend alifanya juu chini tulale pamoja,
and he succeeded kumbe he turned out to be HIV
positive. Nimeregret sana.
254720474236
050003E70301Hi Maina,i was married, I cookd
4him variety of food,respectd him,na palepale,i
was da driver.He askd m 4 a3rd party,n brought
her as he wishes.He statd beating m up,akaninyima
my right place of sex coz he wntd ma Ass !Men cnt
b satisfied wit 1woman
254726837722
0500034A0201Ma husband's libido is veri
low.Marrd 3yrs now and have neva seen his goods
only by accdent. Now its 3mnths snc we had sex.
We have bcam a Bro an a sis. Am suffering sexualy
wat do i do.But am hapi in al other areas
254733251855
Maina todays discussion has to be longer,we are
miserable women..we end up having affairs with
relatives...help us. Like now am sleeping with my
first cousin...wambui
254729787848
Hi Maina. Been in a rut too .Married 4 the last 24
yrs to this ng'ombe. Love was alive for only the first
year then we became hse mates. It's too bad
mpaka he can't rise to the occasion for me. And
he's also tiny. So imagine a small thing that can't
wake up. Pathetic!
254722786970
0500032B0202 this lady has being using my
husbands 4ne when they r 2gether in bed telng mi
2listen hw sweet my husband is en then she
screams. God wht im i sapposed 2do.
254721691952
Nothing wrong with a woman who can control her
drinking like me. My hubby is a drunk who cant
control his drinking. Alikuja sato morning high
akakojoa ndani ya wardrobe badala ya choo yet he
keeps saying am the drunk! Karo
254716671031
Dnt be stupid Maina...I have a woman who drinks
n she is generally n extremely dirty, first her
genitals! Beer aint good 4 women... am tired of
being woken up at 3am four times a week
kumfungulia. Last week I refused to open and
found her in the watchman's kibanda in the
morning on my way to work. I've kept wondering if
she gave him.
254722609997
Maina morning am a drinker n trust me i hv never
ceased to be a gud mother to my 3 kids n wife to
ma hubbi. The fact that naweza maliza 2 bottles of
viceroy in one night doesn't make me a bad
mother! Jana nilikunywa 3 quarters juu kulikuwa
Sunday.
254722483913
So maina what if she drinks and doesnt come
home and doesnt want to be asked where she is?
Mine went out on Friday jioni and akarudi jana
morning. Nikamuuliza ikakuwa vita. We have 3 yr
old twins. Naogopa ukali wake.
254715786001
Hi Maina,salimia King'ang'i. Maina,wachana na hao
wanasema ati bibi asilewe. My wife drinks,I don't.
Na mimi humpeleka kwa bar namwacha huko
akitosheka ananipigia ama analetwa na rafikfi zake.
Only one day I was worried. Alinipigia akiwa florida
5am and her friends walikuwa wamemwacha.
Apart from that day, I see no issues with her enjoy
a drink.
254722162484
Hi Maina, am irene 24 yrs. I was involved with a
catholic priest . He took me from my rural home
and rented a hse 4 me . akaleta brother yake
akanilazimisha nilale nayeye. Sikujua alikuwa
anapenda porno pia. When I refused kuwatch
nayeye akanifukuza. Plz help me kol him juu
hachukui simu zangu. His fone no. 0721 895762 or
0735854143(Fr.Joseph
254725939592
Maina, his weight bothers me coz it affects
palepale imagine ana choka haraka sana and he
drips streams of sweat!na style zingine hawezi!
Every time we do it, am worried atakufa juu yangu
na vile ni mzito! mariam
254703974613
Av bn married 4one yr.Hez gaining weight n maina
u knw the kitambi bng a pivot on me that puts me
off! Namuona akiwa naked sometimes nakimbia
kwa choo nitapike! n the longest he cn go is
4mins!he rols over n snores.nkt! I normally just sit
and stare at his kathing vile kamekunjika naskia
huzuni.
254721230670
Yes! I hate my husband of 23 years he eats like a
big pig! Kitambi kama ya ngombe! Yeye huleta
food kutoka fridge ili akule kwa bedroom usiku. Na
bonoko ni kama yesu. Bado nangoja irudi.
254750383848
Morning Maina? Can you imagine comìng home
5pm and ur wife in nities with a stocking on, matiti
hunging kama socks, the hse is dirty and the bed
is not even made. Why not stay away get drunk
and come at 3am and find this monster asleep.
Ubaya nakuja nimelewa and see her thing juu
amelala fuaa and she doesn't shave. She makes me
sick!
254721331466
Hey Maina and Kingangi,i use to treat my huby like
a king,gave him all the fredom and happiness in
the world but u know how he repayed,he left me
and now he's living with an old woman whom you
Maina know.He left me with a kid of 11/2yrs.
254727113432
Maina, my man is always at home early. What is the
formula for sending him away? Every time I pass
him, he wants sex. It's too much! Take him with
you to your bar. I'll even pay you.
And on today's topic on doing it with in-laws, here
are some texts....
254716191962
Me i do it every 9te 4 de last 3month wid my bro-
in-law iam 18 i dont like it coz ihv ma boyfriend in
coast n ihv never sexed wid him I dont know wat
2do ATÂ
\
254722489878
Maina my real mother has been molesting me.
Niliamka nikamukuta akininyonya. Who can I report
to? Steve
254724370542
MAINA NOT OUR DAD ALOME. AV BIN HAVING
AFFAIR WITH MA ELDER BRO NA TUMEZAA A BABY
BOY. TOO MUCH ATTACHED N NONE OF US IS
MARIED.HE REALY SATIFIES ME SEXUALLY
254723147780
Hey Maina pliz help me cos i found out that am
datng my half bro. na ninaexpect! help. Brenda
And a karandom one...
254733573281 My wife is so dull, every time I try
some positions all I get is "Baba nani, usiniharibu
huko nyuma!" na dada yake ananicheki.