Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to the systems analyst.
(Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1..0 and found that the new program began
unexpected Child Processing
and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In
addition Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during
systems
initialization and then it monitors all other system
activities.

Applications such as 'Boys' Night out 2.5' and
'Golf 5.3'
no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate
selected 'Saturday Football 6.3' always fails and
'Saturday Shopping
7.1' runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background whilst attempting to run any
of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to 'Girlfriend 7.0',
but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

.... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the
functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade
from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its
Creator to run
everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and
it is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
System once it is
installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but have ended up
with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child
Support and
Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it
Installed and deal with the
difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or
problems occur, whatever you
think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid
attempting to use the
*Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE
ME.EXE a number of
times, and eventually hope that the operating system will
return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance program, can be
very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as
'Flowers 2.0' and 'Chocolates 5.0' or
'HUGS\ KISSES
600.0' or 'TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING
1000.0' or even Eating Out
Without the Kids 7.2.1' (if Child processing has
already
started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install 'Secretary
2.1” (Short Skirt
Version)
or 'One Nightstand 3..2' (Any Mood Version), as this
is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost
certainly CRASH.