Does not know how to cook pilau...his idea of pilau is cooking rice and then putting yellowish colouring (pilau njeri/mwitu!)
Don't know how to cook food without cabbages Does not walk side by side with the wife, the poor woman trots along at a distance behind Cannot say 'Santa's short suit shrunk' ... introduce his family by names.... they are introduced in wholesale 'aya ni andu akwa' and men introduce their spouses as 'uyu niwe mama wa gwakwa' Or 'Uyu niwe nyina wa ciana' admit that he is raking in tonnes of cash...he answers - 'tunajaribu tu' to the question of how well business is doing.
Always says they are “broke” – meaning he has millions but will not spend on luxuries like a new sofa set but will buy mugunda worth millions in a second ; Must always buy a pick up in their lifetime even though they live in the city and have no interest in farming;
Idea of a hot date is a chemsha /choma base with a hard bench in inda/Kenyatta mkt/ ngara/kiamaiko Doesn’t drink coffee/ go to java though they plant coffee in hectares in shuggz Does not use funky names for his business. Njugunas, Gicheris, Kamaus , Wa Mwangi , Wa Peter, Waitherero, etc will do just fine. A version involving his names and spouses will be fine as well; Muthokam Enterprises (Muthoni-Kamau), Jokabi Butchery (John-Nyokabi).
Their Women like to refer themselves as 'Mama njeri, Mama Ken, Mama Shiku, Mama Waithera' etc during an introduction, instead of 'Mrs Kamau, Mrs Otieno, Mrs Nyachae or Mrs Kinyua.' Reference to the husband is usually kept at the periphery. Or the new upgrade 'Wa Ken' Wa Njeri' Wa Shiro'
All Kikuyus named Kamau have another name to disambiguate: Kamau Mbeca, Kamau makanika, Kamau wa premio, Kamau wa ngūkū, Kamau waa Mwangi, Kamau wa thimū, Kamau wa camera, Kamau wa buroti, Kamau mwarimo, Kamau wa bisha.. Kamau fetinari .kamau kabugugi,Kamau wa mboco,Kamau wa redio, Kamau ndongomothi Kamau wa gucora . .
Doesn't understand why everybody doesn't speak gikuyu and is disappointed they can't stand hearing speak roundly to his friend (on the phone, in hospital, in the Indian Ocean, in Plaistow)...
Doesn't buy mercedes, he buys a probox and a pickup.
