Interesting Facts about Kikuyus

Kikuyu Doesn't......
Does not know how to cook pilau...his idea of pilau is cooking rice and then putting yellowish colouring (pilau njeri/mwitu!)
Don't know how to cook food without cabbages Does not walk side by side with the wife, the poor woman trots along at a distance behind Cannot say 'Santa's short suit shrunk' ... introduce his family by names.... they are introduced in wholesale 'aya ni andu akwa' and men introduce their spouses as 'uyu niwe mama wa gwakwa' Or 'Uyu niwe nyina wa ciana' admit that he is raking in tonnes of cash...he answers - 'tunajaribu tu' to the question of how well business is doing.

Always says they are “broke” – meaning he has millions but will not spend on luxuries like a new sofa set but will buy mugunda worth millions in a second ; Must always buy a pick up in their lifetime even though they live in the city and have no interest in farming;
Idea of a hot date is a chemsha /choma base with a hard bench in inda/Kenyatta mkt/ ngara/kiamaiko Doesn’t drink coffee/ go to java though they plant coffee in hectares in shuggz Does not use funky names for his business. Njugunas, Gicheris, Kamaus , Wa Mwangi , Wa Peter, Waitherero, etc will do just fine. A version involving his names and spouses will be fine as well; Muthokam Enterprises (Muthoni-Kamau), Jokabi Butchery (John-Nyokabi).
Their Women like to refer themselves as 'Mama njeri, Mama Ken, Mama Shiku, Mama Waithera' etc during an introduction, instead of 'Mrs Kamau, Mrs Otieno, Mrs Nyachae or Mrs Kinyua.' Reference to the husband is usually kept at the periphery. Or the new upgrade 'Wa Ken' Wa Njeri' Wa Shiro'
All Kikuyus named Kamau have another name to disambiguate: Kamau Mbeca, Kamau makanika, Kamau wa premio, Kamau wa ngūkū, Kamau waa Mwangi, Kamau wa thimū, Kamau wa camera, Kamau wa buroti, Kamau mwarimo, Kamau wa bisha.. Kamau fetinari .kamau kabugugi,Kamau wa mboco,Kamau wa redio, Kamau ndongomothi Kamau wa gucora . .
Doesn't understand why everybody doesn't speak gikuyu and is disappointed they can't stand hearing speak roundly to his friend (on the phone, in hospital, in the Indian Ocean, in Plaistow)...
Doesn't buy mercedes, he buys a probox and a pickup.

In Pictures - Zimbabwe Ministers to undergo Circumcision

Research indicates male circumcisions can help prevent infections of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.

According to Thokozani Khupe, quoted in the Zimbabwe state-run Sunday Mail newspaper, all men in the 150-member parliament and all male councilors in urban and rural councils should also undergo the minor operation.

‘All the ministers should go for the exercise if our aims of reducing the spread of HIV and AIDS are to be translated into reality. As leaders in government, we should lead by example,’ she said.

Zimbabwe is one of 13 countries in East and Southern Africa participating in a 2.5 billion dollar programme to circumcise 38 million men – 80 percent of the male population under 49 years old – over the next 15 years.

Najivunia kuwa MKenya!!

This is true local content

"A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day. The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.
Then he comes to the Kenyan hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, and then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Kenyan devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
A concerned fellow calls him aside and said, "Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair doesn't work. The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on……And the Kenyan devil used to be a civil servant, So he comes in,signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"
............ ..... IT PAYS TO BE A KENYAN HUH? "

Clothes exclusively made by women.

Marriage Software

This is what a guy wrote to the systems analyst.
(Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1..0 and found that the new program began
unexpected Child Processing
and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In
addition Wife 1.0
installs itself into all other programs and launches during
systems
initialization and then it monitors all other system
activities.

Applications such as 'Boys' Night out 2.5' and
'Golf 5.3'
no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.
Attempting to operate
selected 'Saturday Football 6.3' always fails and
'Saturday Shopping
7.1' runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background whilst attempting to run any
of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to 'Girlfriend 7.0',
but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

.... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the
functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade
from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its
Creator to run
everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and
it is impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
System once it is
installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but have ended up
with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child
Support and
Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it
Installed and deal with the
difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or
problems occur, whatever you
think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid
attempting to use the
*Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE
ME.EXE a number of
times, and eventually hope that the operating system will
return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance program, can be
very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as
'Flowers 2.0' and 'Chocolates 5.0' or
'HUGS\ KISSES
600.0' or 'TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING
1000.0' or even Eating Out
Without the Kids 7.2.1' (if Child processing has
already
started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install 'Secretary
2.1” (Short Skirt
Version)
or 'One Nightstand 3..2' (Any Mood Version), as this
is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost
certainly CRASH.

Kamba Official Alphabet

A (hay) for Hunderwear

B (Mbi) for Mbiskuint (Biscuit)

C (si) for Sindwe

D (ndi) for Ndinjito (digital)

E for hindiot (idiot)

F for Finjot (Peugeot)

G (njii) for Njilaf

H (ich) Eater(heater)

I for Ayena (hyena)

J (njei) for Njuis

K for kambej (cabbage)

M for Miok (milk)

N for nyus (news)

O For Ombit

P for Fagget (packet)

Q for quessen (question)

R for lap music

S for siupid( Stupid)

U for Hiunifasiti (University)

V for fillenj ((village)

W for wio (Will)

X for Xigiste (Sixty)

Y for Yiond (yield)

Z for zembla

Maseno gay men WTF!